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Letter from God to all single ladies

ImageGot this picture from Ci Hanna Carol

 

My dear one, 

 

No man ever claim you unless he claims you from Me. I reserved a man for you who has my heart and loves Me more than he will love you. 

Soon, you will know him. I have the perfect time. You are my princess, my daugther, let no prince claim you unless he asks you from my hand, for I know your Father, the King of Kings. You are my princess, are worth loving and deserve a prince. 

 

♥ God 

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i miss you…

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I miss you when something really good happens, because you’re the one I want to share it with. 

I miss you when something is troubling me, because you’re the one who understands me so well. 

I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow, and my tears disappear. 

I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night, and think of all the wonderful times that we spent with each other for those were some of the best and most memorable times of my life.

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Breaking Up – A Convo with The ‘Date Dr.’

By Philip Wagner

 

Most of us have been through a break up.

 

It’s not fun.

 

You have either had to break up with someone or they have broken up with you.

 

It’s not the end of the world – it just feels like it.

 

I ran into the ‘Date Dr.’ the other day …no for real. 

So we were sitting there in Starbucks and started discussing ‘breaking up gracefully’.

 

Whether you are the one who initiated a break up or you are the one who felt like you were kicked in the stomach, this could help.  Whether people are 15 years old or 35 years old, we can handle this part of relationships very poorly.  

 

Here are some things to keep in mind…

Not every relationship deserves a ‘dramatic’ breakup. A simple conversation could be what the situation calls for. There are people who think they have a ‘relationship’ when there have just been two dates.

 

If you have gone on one or two dates, not getting a call back is breaking up.

But after 3 or 4 dates or some kind of romantic encounter, it is appropriate to talk.

 

1. Don’t Break Up Using Technology

Do I have to mention this?

In our world of cell phones, email and texts, it’s easier than ever to be in touch with each other… but please don’t use them as a way to escape confrontation.   Act like a grown up. 

 

If you liked them enough to kiss them and have a relationship with them, then the very least you can do is honor that connection by ending it in person, face to face.

 

Using technology to break up is cruel and shallow.

 

The tabloids widely reported that a major pop star – broke up with her now-ex-husband, via a text message.  Awful. #NotaRoleModel

 

2. Consider the Timing Before Breaking the News

Be thoughtful and consider what may be going on in their life.

 

There is never a perfect time. Don’t put it off for too long.   But if they are already going  through difficult time – lost their job yesterday or family crisis, it can wait a week or two.  If there is a special occasion like a birthday or Christmas –again – wait a week.

 

When you know, in your heart, that this relationship is not going to last, don’t keep it going because you don’t want to hurt them.  It will hurt more as time goes on.

 

3. Give Reasonable ‘Face Time’

When you talk to them, give a fair amount of time for them to process it.  You might want to deliver the news and then get the heck out of there… but wait, it’s really unfair to tell them without giving them adequate time to discuss it.

 

I don’t mean, give them time to ‘talk you into’ changing your mind.

You might have to endure some tears, hear about some frustrations or even bear some accusations (out of hurt) but talking about it is the right thing to do.

 

It’s important to give the person with whom you are ending the relationship the chance to ask questions and feel the sentiment underneath the words.

 

If they get upset, cry or get angry – don’t try to stop them.  They are allowed to feel bad or to express their feelings.  Keep in mind; you’ve been thinking about the breakup for a few days, they’ve only heard about it a couple of minutes ago.

 

If they get more and more upset as the minutes pass however, you can leave and give them some down time to adjust to this new information.

 

If you feel threatened or they get aggressive – leave immediately and let them know you’d like to talk more, later.

 

Before leaving, set a general time to talk.  Let them know you’re willing to explain yourself and listen to what they have to say when they’ve calmed down a bit.

 

If you handled a breakup with some class, you can avoid losing a friendship, too.

 

4.  Take Personal Responsibility for Your Decision

This is not the time to criticize them.  Don’t place blame on them.

Please don’t say, “it’s not you it’s me” – everyone hates that line.

And if you are a believer please don’t say, “God told me to break up with you.”

(You may believe this but it does not help anyone to say it)

 

Stick to clarifying YOUR feelings and YOUR decisions.

 

Take a minute to genuinely reassure them. They need to know that you didn’t consider them ‘a waste of time’ or unimportant.  You might say something like…

 

“I enjoyed being with you, and I value the time we spent together, but we just aren’t right for a long term relationship.”

 

“Who you are and what you want are great, but where I am right now is very different.”

 

 ‘It’s not working, it’s no one’s fault, we just need to make a change.'”

 

5. Don’t Be Cruel in the Name of Honesty

Some people need “reasons” so they can accept the breakup and move on.

But don’t be hurtful when you tell them.  Someone breaking up with you is insulting at some level and being rejected feels bad enough.  There is no need to make the person feel worse.  

 

Nobody wants to hear that you’re dumping him or her because they’re no longer attractive to you, you don’t like the way they dress or you’re attracted to someone else.

 

These kinds of thoughts shouldn’t be shared.  At this point in the relationship, you should not give advice or criticism because you aren’t their girlfriend or boyfriend anymore.  

 

Instead, your reasons for the split should focus on how the two of you aren’t good matches for each other. Try saying something like,

 

    “We are both good people, we are not the right fit together romantically.”

 

 To the best of your ability speak well of your ex (especially if you are a part of the same church). People have unfairly “vented” to another person about an ex at church. It ends up being gossip more than anything, and doesn’t allow the one being spoken of to have room to grow and eventually date another people in that church.  Of course, this may not always be possible, but people should try to leave the details of the relationship and breakup to their close friends or mentors.

 

6. Stay Strong in Your Belief that it’s Time to End The Relationship 

 

If you start to deliver the news they get teary or upset – some people think,

            ‘Oh no, they’re going to cry.’ 

And attempt to show you care about them by saying,

            “There might be a chance for us in the future but right now the timing isn’t             

 good.”   

 

             Don’t!

 

 Giving someone a false sense of hope does not help him or her heal.

If you know it’s over, spare them the cruelty of pretending you might be interested in the future, when you won’t.

 

It might be OK to agree to keep in touch… but not usually.  Mature people who end on good terms could communicate on occasion. 

 

Calling just to check up on them in a week or even a month is not really helpful. It just confuses things and puts you back into the forefront of her mind.

 

 

In the future, if it’s their birthday or a holiday and you were very close, then it could be a good thing to call to wish them well.

 

However, don’t call to make plans, don’t call to discuss sensitive issues and don’t talk with them for longer than 10 minutes.  Be ‘acquaintances’ and keep in mind that acquaintances rarely talk more than 2 or 3 times a year.

 

 7. End Things Correctly Before You Start Seeing Someone Else

Actually, if you don’t, that’s called cheating!

 

Forget about using the “I’ve met someone else” escape clause.

Introducing a new love into a breakup discussion only tortures your soon-to-be ex and makes you look untrustworthy.  Mentioning another person really hurts and unnecessarily intensifies the pain.

 

I strongly suggest to you – ‘Don’t get right into a new relationship, right away!’

Don’t medicate your sorrow or loneliness with a new person. It isn’t fair to either of you.  Give yourself time to refocus in your life.

 

Jumping from one relationship to the next is a bad habit.  Take some time to heal or recover and grow your relationship with Jesus.

 

People who aren’t good at being ‘single’ –they always ‘have’ to be in a relationship, are often – not good at being married.

 

 

Prescription for Healing After the Relationship Ends

Think about –

 

What did you learn? Think of a few things you appreciated about this relationship that you would like to have in the next one, and a few things you would NOT like want to experience next time. 

Instead of making up excuses to call or see him or her, keep yourself busy with new activities, friends, and healthy distractions.

“Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?” Good question.  It’s not easy to answer. Whether or not two people can remain friends after a breakup depends on the two people and their feelings about the end of the relationship.

 

If someone is very much in love and then broken up with and continues trying to get back with that person, then having a platonic relationship does not work.

 

Take about 8 weeks with no contact. No phone. No ‘let’s get together for coffee.’

You need time to ‘detoxify’ and get on with your life.

 

Talking every day as “friends” is also a bad idea. That just keeps the wounds open and hope alive.

 

What do you think?

 

Do you have a question for the “Date Dr.”?  I can ask for you…Image

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Who Moved My Cheese?

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Cerita ini merupakan rangkuman dari sebuah buku yang di tulis oleh Spencer Johsnson, dan ada di timeline young on top (@YoungOnTop), dan menurut saya cerita yang cukup menarik dan banyak hal yang bisa di perlajari dari kisah ini. Enjoy! 🙂

Bisa di download disini untuk buku gratisnya http://t.co/q09Q8txS dan untuk video kartunnya http://t.co/6GDWZLDK

“Who Moved My Cheese?” by Spencer Johnson.

Alkisah ada 2 ekor tikus dan 2 kurcaci yang hidup bersama dalam suatu labirin. Nama tikusnya: Sniff & Scurry, kurcacinya Hem & Haw.

Tikus dan kurcaci ini menyukai ‘Cheese’ yg merupakan metafora dari apapun yang mereka inginkan dalam hidup, apapun yg membuat mereka bahagia. ‘Cheese’ itu bisa jadi gaji, pekerjaan yg layak, uang, atau rumah yg mewah. Labirin adalah tempat mencari ‘Cheese’ itu sendiri. Tikus ini tidak terlalu pintar, tapi mereka giat dan mengikuti insting mereka dalam mencari ‘Cheese’. Kurcacinya lebih pintar, mempunyai belief yang tinggi.

Setiap hari, Sniff, Scurry, Hem dan Haw keluar dari rumah mereka, untuk mencari Cheese. Sampai mereka bertemu Cheese Station C yang mempunyai Cheese yang sangattt banyak. Setiap hari tikus dan kurcaci itu bolak balik dari rumah. ke Cheese Station C yang mempunyai persediaan Cheese melimpah. Si tikus, Sniff and Scurry, selalu bangun pagi, pakai sepatu lari dan lari ke Cheese Station C, untuk menngisi perut mereka dengan keju sebanyak mungkin.

Sementara, Haw and Hem bangun kesiangan dan berangkat males-malesan ke Cheese Station C. Mereka terlena dengan kenyamanan dan kemudahan yang ada.

Suatu ketika, Sniff and Scurry menemukan bahwa persediaan Cheese di Cheese Station C habis! tanpa pikir panjang, mereka langsug cari Cheese lain. Hem and Haw yang bangun kesiangan terus baru tau kalau Cheese Station C sudah kosong, tidak ada Cheese tersisa. Mereka bingung, tidak biasa dengan perubahan.

Hem dan Haw pun kaget banget dengan perubahan yang ada, bahwa tidak ada lagi Cheese di Station C. Smentara Sniff and Scurry sudah sadar kalau Cheese bakal habis.

Hem dan Haw terlalu sibuk mmprtanyakan, “Who moved my cheese?”, tanpa brusaha untuk mencari lagi seperti Sniff and Scurry. Padahal perubahan memang selalu terjadi, apalagi Cheese mereka konsumsi terus tanpa berhenti. Mereka harusnya sadar akan perubahan yang ada..Hem cuma bisa mengeluh, “Ini gak adil! Cheese itu kan milik kita!” Haw cuma bisa diam, dia terlalu kaget. Hal itu wajar, mencari Cheese tidak mudah. Bagi Hem dan Haw, Cheese itu sangat penting, mereka tidak terima kalo Cheese hilang begitu aja. Tetapi mereka tetap beranggapan bahwa besok Cheese ada lagi.

Keesokan hariny, Hem dan Haw datang lagi ke Station C namun hasilnya nihil. Tidak ada Cheese muncul dari langit. Haw pun menulis di dinding…

“The more important your cheese is to you, the more you want to hold on to it.”

Haw and Hem tetep berharap keesokan hari Cheese datang lag. Karena Cheese tidak pernah muncul lagi, Haw mulai mempertanyakan, “Kenapa kita tidak mencari Cheese lagi saja diluar sana?” Hem mengeluh dan menolak. “Kita deserve Cheese ini, suatu saat ia akan datang lagi!” kata Hem. Smentara Stiff and Scurry dengan prjuangannya mampu mencapai Station N

Di Station N, Cheese berlimpah ruah! Bahkan jauh lebih banyak dibanding Station C. Sniff dan Scurry mendapatkan hasil dari perjuangan mereka. Hem dan Haw masih stuck di station C, mereka menjadi makin kurus karena tidak mendapat asupan Cheese. Mereka saling menyalahkan satu sama lain.

Haw membayangkan Sniff&Scurry mendapatkan Cheese yang banyak. Semakin ia pikirkan, semakin ia ingin mencari Cheese lain diluar sana.

Lalu Haw menajak Hem untuk pergi keluar Station C dan cari Cheese lain. Tapi Hem tidak mau, katanya “disini nyaman, diluar sana bahaya, nanti nyasar.” Haw merasa ini bodoh. Mereka tetap diam di tempat dan tidak melakukan apapun, mana mungkin Cheese datang sendiri. Meskipun berlari di labirin.. Berlari di labirin itu tidak mengenakkan, mungkin tersesat, tapi itu hanya RASA TAKUT yg membuatnya berhenti melangkah. Haw pun bersiap untuk mencari Cheese baru di labirin. Menurutnya Cheese yg laama TAK PERLU DIRATAPI, waktunya CARI Cheese yang baru. Hem tetap dan tetep tidak mau ikut mencari Cheese baru,dia akan menunggu Cheese yg lama balik lagi dengan sendirinya. Inilah perbuatan yg bodoh.

Haww mengimajinasikan hal apapun yang akan dia lakukan bila menemukan Cheese yg baru, bermain di tengah Cheese, makan sebanyak mungkin.

Semakin ia imajinasikan, keberanian dan kekuatan itu muncul begitu kuat! Ia semakn yakin perjalanannya mencari Cheese tak akan lama lagi. Smabil berjalan susuri labirin, Haw mnulis “If you do not CHANGE, you can become EXTINCT.” Keyakinan akan adanya Cheese lain buat ia HIDUP.

Pikiran rasa takut yang mengatakan bahwa tidak ada Cheese lain di labirin atau Haw tidak mungkin temukan Cheese itu yang justru MEMBUNUH nya. Hem hnya mengeluh, “Who moved my cheese?”. Tapi Haw berpikir, “Why didn’t I get up and move with the Cheese sooner?”. Terkadang rasa takut itu perlu. Klo kita takut keadaan akan brtambah buruk jika tidak melakukan sesuatu, hal itu akn membuat kita beraksi. Rasa takut yg berlebihan akan membuat kita tidak lakukan apapun. Haw tidak merasa menyesal telah keluar dari comfort zonenya.

“Better late than never”.

Haw memukan sedikit Cheese tetapi tidak ckup banyak. Haw mengakui, labirin itu begitu rumit dan menyesatkan. Tapi ia menganggapnya itu sebagai CHALLENGE. Lalu Haw berpikir, kalo Stiff dan Scurry bisa move on, kenapa dia tidaa bisa? Dia akhirnya menyadari, dia HARUS PEKA terhadap PERUBAHAN. Seperti Stiff dan Scurry yang sudah menyadarinya sejak awal, mungkin Haw tidak akan kaget kalau dia peka sejak awal. Akhirnya Haw menemukan Cheese Station yg lain! tapi ternyata hasilnya tidak memuaskannya. Tidak ada Cheese yang trsisa. Rasa takut melandanya. Haw takut tidak bisa survive, takut dengan apa yang akan menghadangny di labirin, takut tidak bisa menemukan Cheese lagi, semua pikiran takut melanda. Tapi Haw lalu tertawa, RASA TAKUT yg membuatnya TERPURUK. Haw akhirnya lakukan suatu hal seakan-akan dia tidak takut. Haw MOVE ON. Haw berjalan terus mencari Cheese yg baru. Dia bgtu bersemangat, tidak ada rasa takut. Dia jalani dan hadapi saja yg ada di depannya. 🙂

“When you move beyond your fear, you feel FREE” Haw menulis di dinding.

Dengan menikmati setiap perjalanan yang ia hadapi, Haw merasa begitu bahagia! Agar makin brsemangat, Haw bayangkan Cheese favoritnya, Cheddar & Brie. Seakan terlihat di matanya, ia memakan semua keju itu dengan lahap. Haw membayangkan dengan begitu detil, duduk di antara Cheese dengan bahagia, ia membayangkan ia akan menikmati semua keju itu 🙂

“Imagining Myself enjoying new cheese even before I find it, leads me to it.” Imajinasi ini yg membuatnya tetap kuat 🙂

Haw temukan Cheese Station lagi, tapi hanya sedikit Cheese yang tersisa.. Akhirnya ia makan dan simpan beberapa untuk Hem. Haw akan mengajak Hem untuk mencari.

“The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you find new cheese”.

Haw temui Hem di Station C, tetapi Hem tidak mau Cheese yang diberi Hem. Hem tidak bisa move on, dia maunya Cheese yg lama, diajak mencari yang baru juga tidak mau, Akhirnya Haw jalan mencari station lain sendiri.

Setelah perjalanan yang sangat lama dan melelahkan, akhirnya berujung manis. Haw menemukan Cheese Station N! Persediaan Cheesenya super banyak. Haw tidak pernah menemui Cheese sebanyak itu! Cheese menumpuk bergunung-gunung. Dan ternyata Sniff dan Scurry sudah sampai disana. Haw tidak menyangka, dia pikir dia hanya bermimpi. Tapi itu nyata,apalagi saat ia makan sendiri Cheese itu. Perjuangannya berbuah hasil yang sangat manis! Haw merasa bersyukur atas perubahan itu 🙂

Cara tercepat untuk berubah adalah

*Menertawakan kebodohan sendiri yang tidak mampu move on 🙂 Banyak hal yang dipelajari Haw akhirnya.

*Berpikir simple, fleksible, dan bergerak dengan cepat. Tidak usah kebanyakan takut, itu yang akan menghalangi kita

Quotes dari Haw: “Change Happens. They keep moving the cheese.”

“Anticipate change, get ready for the cheese to move. Monitor change, Smell the cheese so often so you know when it’s getting old”

“Adapt to change quickly. The quicker you let go of cheese, the sooner you enjoy new cheese.”

“Change: Move with the Cheese. And Enjoy the change: Savor the adventure and enjoy the taste of new cheese!”

“Be ready to CHANGE QUICKLY and ENJOY it again! They keep moving the cheese”

Haw belajar dari kesalahan, dia selalu menginspeksi keadaan station, apakah persediaan Cheese sudah menipis. Haw juga salalu melihat keluar station. Haw juga mendengar suara-suara, seakan ada orang yang akan datang. Haw hanya bisa brharap semoga Hem bisa temukan jalan menuju Cheese Station N…

Yeayyy! 🙂